Wings of waves

IIMG_4484.JPGt was 4.30 am and still dark. Not pitch black, but a soft, diffused light already started to rise from the horizon. Like a ghost I quitely walked down the sleepy garden of Shanti Wasi, my little getaway place.

The soothing night sounds of the jungle surrounded me, as I strode calmly with bare feet over the cool and damp grass. I felt my inner lioness arising,  moving gracefully like a queen through the forest wilderniss. 

Something primal always comes over me when I’m close to nature. It just feels so right to be naked and free,
just like Mother Nature wanted me to be.

The stars above me were still twirling and dancing along the sky in various patterns, tugging at the corners of my lips in a way that it made me smile.

The beautiful -Costa Rican- Osa is my Soul Place. It’s the only place where I’ve experienced true unique feelings of belonging, awakening, empowerment and energetic rejuvenation. It’s my refuge, my hiding place, that always reconnects me with my soul and the sacred connection to nature. It’s a place where the veil between this world and the eternal world is transparent. A place where you can walk in two worlds- which isn’t to be perceived with the five senses.

Experiencing them goes beyond those limits.

I was alone in the dark. Nothing from the crazy city life could touch me here. Like a hunting lioness I ran down to the surf shack. I found the key hiding in the secret spot. I quietly opened the lock and pulled out the 9′.0″ longboard and rushed victorously towards the beach. For some reason I felt like I was secretly sneaking out of the house, without trying to wake my parents.

While making my way down the jungle trail, all I could feel was a warm breeze caressing my naked skin, all I could hear was the breaking of the waves in the distance. My heart racing, the Sirens in the sea were calling  my name.

The dark sky had now turned into a deep purple. The ocean didn’t look like an abyss of IMG_4336black, nor did it appear blue. Instead it looked like a metallic grey, with glinstering silver beams of the full moon dancing on the surface. Sitting on my knees, I paddled out slowely between the gentle, waist high, sets.

The water was welcoming warm, and with my feet dangling I felt the pulse of the rolling waves underneath me. It was as if I just paddled out into a whole new sacred dimension. I stared up at the sky and inhaled the silver glow of the moon. She smiled down at me with a love so intense it warmed my soul from the inside . There I was, sitting in the twilight, escaping the +11h land-locked work life from the city, not wanting to do anything but cry. But the look of the moon behind me, and the divine process of the rising sun in front of me, didn’t cause the storm to go on inside of me. Instead, while I sat in the middle of this powerful planetary line up, I felt a warm peaceful fire flickering up inside my heart. And soon it started to grow larger and larger, dissolving all of the dark emotions in its path. My worries burned away, and the tears that were starting to form at the corners of my eyes melted down my sleepy face with a rush of relief.

IMG_4635Crying feels good these days, especially when it’s tears that I don’t have or want to push away anymore. And these ones weren’t drops of sadness, no. They were more like the feelings of joy, relief, happiness and freedom streaming away from my hurt eyes. They were temporary cleaners to wash away all the chaos from the last few months.

Under the protection of millions of stars and the beautiful moon, I felt like I could let the floodgates open. The heaviness seemed to finally disappear into the ocean.

The heavy collective toxic stress of these crazy corporation driven societies, the existential anxiety and the sometimes suffocating loneliness it brings, the insanity….. it’s really easy to lose yourself in the physical ‘labyrinth’ and completely forget about our true home and deeper nature.

It all washed away with the soft lullaby that the waves sang along as the fiery orange sun finally showed up in the porcelain purple sky.

For a moment, wich felt like eternity,  everything became mysteriously quiet. A perfect set appeared in the horizon from where the mighty godlike sun rose.

I started paddeling and before I even realized it, I was already standing right on top of the water. The power of the wave pushed my board towards the shore, while I danced all the way up to the nose and back. I’m completely into longboarding again these days. There is just something really graceful about single fin riding.

It’s an art form.

There I was, all alone, right in the middle of natures divine spectacle – feeling the air, dancing on top of golden waves.

It was almost like being a bird with wings of waves…. soaring through the sweet tropical air.

You can really feel nature’s energy in the waves as you catch it.  You cut through the water and glide effortlessly. Sometimes it bends around you so you can ride inside.  It’s a true spiritual IMG_4474feeling of being closer to that what made us.

There are states of consciousness, in which you can pulsate with an energy that connects you with your own energy, and realize that THAT is the whole point of being alive. Just to go with this particular energy manifestation that is happening right at that moment–to be “it.”

and then, just as quick as it came, the whole experience dies on the shore.

The painful beauty of impermanence.

When you’re on a wave, time ceases exist, it calls you, draws you into itself, transports you into the presence of a world beyond this world. It moves you into the presence of the mysterious power.  Trying to describe this place is like trying to describe love or the existence of God.  All attempts are feeble and all talk is cheap.  Understanding marries  experience and full understanding is almost never achieved.

And though time did continue, the emotions that flowed stilled my soul.

The waking jungle behind me chirped an explicit background chant. The golden light softly caressed the land and ignited the birds into a chorus of melodies. White pelicans glided gracefully and effortlessly through the waking sky.

With breath paused in my lungs, I wished time would halt. It all felt as if I was on an enchanted, esoteric ride. That existence invited me to join an ancient, mysterious ceremony.
A familiar tease of melancholy visited… my natural tendency of wanting to cling to beauty.
The palmtrees shone as if they were wearing golden crowns and the vast sea was now painted in bright orange sparks of the sun.
IMG_4464“This will all makes sense one day….or maybe it wont” I smiled, while the soft amber glow warmed my face. In truth, once you’ve been initiated in such a magical place and allowed your spirit to absorb  that which transcends the senses, all need for definition of the deep mysteries of the Universe, ceases.
Restless soul, slowely but surely the cracks of that chronic broken heart will become secret portals to higher levels of existence. And oceans will rise within your body for a love that is so pure, that it’s undeniable.

I took one more wave; then another, and another, as the sky continued to light up into a live painting, I danced like a ballerina into the birth of day. Eventually,  absolutely everything turned golden.


All the human illusions that were at play on land….were all far away from me now. Lost in the awe of everything, I remembered that this was the reason I decided to move to Costa Rica.

To dance harmoniously with the elements and forces of the ocean, to embody the rythms of nature….to lose myself in silent beauty.

To live any other way would be completely insane…

It’s all an experience…

and it’s closest to heaven that I’ll ever be in this human existence…



xo Marianne



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